The postman came and went. Once again, I plan on leaving. There is little that will change my mind. All I can do now is wait.

The decision doesn’t stop my stomach from churning. And it doesn’t help with the sleepless nights either. At times, I think I may vomit. For while a decision is made, there are a hundred others waiting in line.

I struggle to regain my illusion of control.

So I go outside. The sunshine is my freedom. For the moment, I dream again.

The sun does nothing for the sadness.

“Just a little more time to laugh with your friends.” Words from a Reputation song. The friends that somehow I am already distancing myself from. The friends that make this decision hard. Someday I hope to come back, but whether it’ll be days or months I can’t say. But I know things won’t be the same.

I want to come back. I just wish that I could shake the feeling that I never will. And the compass tattoo looks more appealing then ever.

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