Note: The following days are not in chronological order.
The chewed off doll feet that I didn’t see. Another strange night. And a man is rescued. The blond girl talked of hair that was “this long”. She gestured with the dolls, but held them closely. No one was trying to take them away. The night continued and I learned. I learned that a friend watched mouse porn for hours a week for a year and a half. More laughter.
The blue shoes hadn’t been worn for a while. They called to me, “Tuesday is a day to dance.”
“Indeed,” I replied. “Indeed.”
The last day of work came. It brought excitement, joy, doubt, fear, sadness, freedom. I chose my destiny or perhaps it chose me. It doesn’t matter anymore. In the morning, I pulled on my blue shoes and faced the ice machine for the last time.
Two days at the beach. For brief moments the sun hid behind the clouds. It was no matter. They were gorgeous days.
And the girl with the compass tattoo disappeared. I’m no longer sure she existed. Replaced with a girl that looked the same, but who had no tattoos. Should I trust my memory? She didn’t know that I could fix the imperfection. Not her imperfection. Because for a moment I had direction. But with the last days here, I am lost again.
Not lost from people, but lost from the logic that has guided me so long. The logic that at times I despised, but couldn’t escape.
I scream inside, “Where are you now Logic?”
Laughter. I chose a life of spontanaeity and instinct. “Stop rationalizing boy. Pick a future and hope for the best.”
Insanity sets in.
A note to a girl that I don’t know that well. My prayers are with you.